Baddie goes to see Hamlet
After the morning’s medical adventures, I thought I’d relax in the evening by going to a play at our nearby theatre – which happens to be the prestigious Berliner Schaubühne. And since we’d bought tickets for Hamlet about oh, two months ago, naturally this is what we went to see.
I slipped on my glittery Dune stiletto shoes and, on the arm of trusted Mr. Baddie,
hobbled floated over the cobbled stones which make around 70% of the short walk to the Schaubühne. While approaching, I noticed through their glass walls that no one was queueing to get in. “How strange,” I remarked, “there’s no one queueing to get in.” While I was deeply intrigued, Mr. Baddie outrageously suggested my slow walking might have made us late. I sheepishly concurred – because this is what ALWAYS happens.
But as we tried to get in, a short lady approached us, pounced on our tickets like a puma on its prey, and sighed theatrically: “Oh, not again!”. We looked at each other in dismay. “You see,” she proceeded to explain, “some tickets had the wrong starting time printed on them. The play started half an hour ago.” Aha! I couldn’t help inwardly high-fiving myself. It wasn’t the fault of my pretty shoes after all.
Did we still want to go in? Why yes. Well, we’ll have to be very, very quiet. We’ll be as quiet as church mice. And so it came to pass that we were taken by one theatre employee along some long passage and then some corridors where we met two other members of staff. Our story was relayed in whispers, We were then entrusted to the care of these two – (“Make sure they get to their destination safely. Let no harm come to them. And for God’s sake, don’t let the Russians find out!). We received our instructions: tip toe along the loooooong corridor along the stage; go through the thick grey curtain under the big red neon sign saying “Ruhe” (“Quiet”); open the big metal door; step into the darkness; stand there without making a sound or blinking, until receiving a sign from our two guides; once directed, quietly and quickly move to take our seats. Follow this to the letter, or suffer the anger of the main actor, who is known for directing his (I quote) “eccentric” verbal attacks towards rude intruders. A bit scary, actually.
Well it all went according to plan up to this last bit. What happened is that our two well-meaning guides had the brilliant idea to send us to the next two available seats. Which were bang in the middle of the fourth row. And we had to go through while the play was going on. Because there was no break. It was, honestly, excrutiatingly embarassing, and going past person after person radiating disapproval in the darkness, it seemed incredibly long and painful – a bit like walking down the Green Mile. In sparkly stilettos, that is.
PS the play was fantastic; utterly and totally brilliant!
PPS even if we were cowering in fear we’d be singled out and insulted at any given minute
Check out Hamlet at the Schaubühne here.